pmsing and a tiny bit of bdsm

So your self proclaimed girlfriend has gone insane. On your birthday. Yikes.
You know facebook right? it fucking keeps record of everything man. Every fucking little thing you said to your ugly ex. Like when you called her what you call me now. Isn't that adorable?
Will I be as written off your life in a few months like she is now?
But I'm setting myself a little high here. Because you had quite the conection with this girl, didn't you?
She was obviously a bit on the pervert side, like you, and yes, like myself too. You like that, right?
You sure liked her, didn't you? You gave her a collar. You gave her a fucking collar, didn't you?

I would fucking kill for that. And you've talked about it, you said you wanted to give me one.
Oh man that really sent me through the roof. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. But time keeps passing by, and here I am, collarless.
Maybe I'm not worthy of it. Maybe you think I should try harder. And I kinda agree.
But I'm tired and awfull and about to get my period, see, so I can't really go for it exactly now. I'm sorry.
Fuck I really am. And I'd like to be able to explain that, to be able to ask your forgiveness, but I shouldn't even do that!
You're not my fucking master, hopefully, yet. But how I wish you were.
Every time you let slip that evil little smile, it's just so beautifull, I can't help but wish you'd apply all that nasty thoughts on me.

I don't want to be impatient. I'd wait however long you see fit, if I knew there's the reward of being yours waiting ahead. I just want to know if it's all in my head or if things can really be that way.

me vuelvo impaciente
cuando llega el amanecer
absorvo todos los tés de
todas las tardes.

I like the weekends better, and it shouldn't be surprising.
But it is.
Anyway, one is almost starting today.

I like to see how his brain works. Not a good thing to say out loud, though.
what is it that bothers me and puts me off? don't really know if I wanna find out.
is it the Alex thing? it dones't annoys me that much. just a bit.
it's probably the Alex thing. Only he's got some things to even things up.
On the other hand, he's never called me kitten, so..

Oh but he has called me babe. Wonder why I like it so much.
He does keep me waking the walls.

It feels like the ghosts are just following some boring old routine.
Same old, I do miss them, I do freak out, but, they just aren't trying hard at all.
Not at all.

Funny. That little sparkle of life I'd thought I'd seen in j.
Is oh, nothing more than a full personality here. Dude.
Still he really really is too young. Next girl's fucking lucky. You know, exept for his ex.

And oh, men. Full personality and oh my god, yet he's just soo in love,
they turn into, well,
kittens.

silly girl.

first time ever I feel like I don't need to censure myself. you know, kinda.
like he isn't afraid of me, and what I might do or what I might like.
gosh, who knew, right? so. fucking. much.

it was like a switch turned and then i like him so much!
just like that. every fucking thing he says. it remainds me of n. but better.
(oh so much better)

funny about this bitch thing thing. guess i should have seen it coming.
still, way too happy tonight to care. really, how cute is he?
and when those little shiny pieces come through, fuck.
and the way he got totally mad. (how dumb am i? omg.)

well, just said it, totally sixteen tonight.
but also in a bubbly, quirky way.

tomorrow night has to be perfect. and there are just soo many things to potentially fuck it up, it should be fun.

like dylan in the movies.

Yeah you're worth the trouble, and you're worth the pain
and you're worth the worry, I would do the same
If we all went back to another time
I would love you over
I would love you

watching over the emtpy battlefield

So, insomnia. It kinda sucks. But
at least there are no dreams. Damn.

I though it would come eventually, but honestly I had forgot.
Without the despair, without the fear of what will come
when life doesn't seems to be crumbling anymore
or all the pieces have already fallen, waiting to be rearranged
(much like my bedroom floor)

Now I miss him. And now I can appreciate him.
Now it hurts in a much more subtle way, and it seems to linger on.

FUCK YOU

fuck, I'm so fucking alone.

well hello, horribly pathetic world. it's been a while. do you hate me too?
would you let me in?
hell at least i'm trying something, as lame as it may be.
-
I actually want to just kick him in the face. Like, repeatedly.
With really high sharp heels.
-
god I'm so horribly numb. I actually can't see a thing outside me.
Me me me me me. Not fun.

sh.

que es un soplo la vida..

She's making dinner for two (three?) while he's playing guitar, taking a shower, or god knows what.
She's singing a song while watching the rice (her son playing on the kitchen floor).

"Mi vieja cantaba, a veces, un tango, y sus ojos se llenaban de otro lugar"

dreams.

Oh my god, I can almost see it. Can you?
Close my eyes and.. there it is.
A house full of light. The sound of children laughing.
A home made piece by piece. A life.. together.

Let it rest for a little while.
It's just a dream.
And today's well worth to be lived.

So keep it stored as a beautiful wish until the time comes.